The great and terrible VENT of 2009

Okay. I apologize in advance for the negative tone of this post. I may take it down later tonite, tomorrow, or soon thereafter, but I'm going to write it nonetheless.

I am officially miserable. Capital M miserable. The pregnancy is okay, and for the record, I do recognize that I am really blessed to have been healthy and pretty comfortable so far. However, IT has begun. You know, the feeling like I'm being stabbed in the side every so often, feeling so stinkin' tired I can't even stand it, not being able to bend over and pick something up whilst seated without rocking forward and backward three or four times first, my back aching soooo badly I'd swear I was carrying a load of bricks in a backpack in front--oh, wait, I AM! I start out the day pretty okay (except for that first move in the morning, yep, the one where you take a deep breath and hope you don't swear out loud as your muscles and ligaments yell out in protest). I have good energy in the morning, I hang in there during the afternoon, and then 4 PM hits. My patience, positive attitude and kindness go runnin' out that back door. I will not mince words: I hate how I feel and act between 4 PM and when Ryan gets home from work. I am just nasty nasty nasty!!

Well, if that wasn't bad enough, I got the mother of all colds two days ago. I usually feel the worst on the first day (yesterday) and then get slowly better each day, feeling fine again by the fourth day or so. And I most always sound worse than I feel. But this is usually under "the best of circumstances" which to me means being calmly and happily under the influence of TheraFlu. But guess what? Can't take that! I'm pregnant. So here I sit, stuffy head, aching back, shoulders, chest, ribs, nose, face, left eye thinks it's Niagra Falls for heck's sake, my throat feels like the Badlands, lips are chapped, I'm being "that guy" that breathes through his (her) mouth--I HATE THAT--my TEETH hurt, I can't sleep, my head is throbbing and throbbing. Ughhhhhh. And, to top that off, I can't breathe deeply, and I seriously feel so out of breath I think I'm suffocating half the time.

Okay, I know I'm getting a little drastic and dramatic here. I did get the nickname Sarah Bernhardt from my parents for a good reason, I guess. . .

Anyway, the thing that has set me off tonite (other than the previous paragraphs) is that I got all cozy in my favorite pair of pants--they aren't maternity (which means they don't fall down), they stretch enough to accommodate two pregnant women, yet are elastic enough to stay up and feel great, they are fleece and cozy, and I just folded them and put them in my cozies drawer this morning. Wellllllll. . . . those of you who have birthed babies before understand the risks taken whilst laughing, coughing, and the like. . . I have been warning Ryan all night to NOT MAKE ME LAUGH because If I laugh, then I cough like crazy and either throw up or die. (well, not really, just feels that way). So, he makes up some parody to the tune "Sweet Child of Mine" about Carson's stinky pants smelling like death while he was changing him, and I started laughing and I PEED MY PANTS!!! A LOT! I could not help myself or stop myself. What the HECK?!?!?!? 2 year olds pee their pants, 3 year olds pee their pants! I don't like it, but my four year old has even peed HER pants. But a 34-year old? Seriously?! I can't believe it. Suffice it to say, I've HAD it today! I know I should count my blessings, be grateful for what I have. Fine. I will. Later. But, I just wanted to vent. I hope my cold is better tomorrow. And I hope I can try to have a more positive attitude.

I know it won't last forever. . . I know it won't last forever. . . I know it won't last forever. . .